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Sunday, May 6th 2007

15:06:47 (4581 days, 8h, 26min ago)

Fear

  • Mood: numb
  • Reading: Milton's Paradise Lost

Emotions can grip us. Contain us in a scissor hold of power unconceived in moments prior. At times it is this very grip which saves us from the tramas and terrors of life. However more often than not, it is this overly proctective reaction which inspires fear and hopelessness, not only in ourslelves but others as well. It is also why despite the feelings of anguish and self-loathing created i must remain consistant in the seperation of myself from someone i care for dearly.

Though it hurts me most gravely to see the effects my isolation has had, i cannot risk the possible danger it would put them in if i was to faulter in my protective role. Just knowing the potential consequences of such an error is as terrifying as anything I would wish on my greatest enemy.

Such is the fear that grips me. For a single error in  my theroy, a single flaw in my plan, and i will end up completely abolishing a relationship  which means far more to me than my own safety. More than my most prized monetary possessions. More even than perhaps any other relationship I've ever been in.

So it is with great disdain for both myself and my pride that I continue to be an emotionless rock to one who misses me most severly. May god hear my plea to care for them as they are truely in a time of misplaced faith and have been instilled with a false feeling of low self-worth.

The Chili Peppers said it pretty well...

My friends are so depressed
I feel the question
Of your loneliness
Confide... `cause Ill be on your side
You know I will, you know I will

I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely too
When you dont know yourself

My friends are so distressed
And standing on
The brink of emptiness
No words... I know of to express
This emptiness

Keep it up guys, I'll be there for you soon enough.

-Reverend Tim O.

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